It's been too long.

It's been forever.  Well over a year.  Since I last posted, Scott and I not only got married, but have celebrated our one year anniversary.  Life has been good, and I am thankful and feel incredibly blessed to have my marriage, my health, our pets Henry and Simcoe, and our cozy little home.

I haven't gotten away from cooking at all... but for some reason, I just got away from writing about what I cook.

It took chili to bring me back in... and here is why.  Every single time I make chili, I stress out a bit.  It's Scott's favorite.  He'd be happy if I made it every weekend.  He never wants me to invite anyone over when I make it, and he always looks into the 7 quart pot that is usually quite close to full and asks if that's all I am making.  So I don't want it to just be good.  I want to make a killer chili.  I set off each time by consulting new recipes.  I then throw something together that is inspired by those recipes as well as our own tastes.  But I'm never totally satisfied.  There always feels like something is... slightly off or unbalanced... even though it's usually quite good and well received.  I just always feel it's full potential has not yet been attained. 

Yesterday, boys and girls.  It happened.

I refused to over think it.  I decided just to go with it.  Funny how that same philosophy so often turns out to be the best way to approach many things in life, yet, I usually don't proceed that way. Will I ever learn?

So I must document how following that instinct panned out.  I must write out this recipe now so that I don't forget what happened.  This is the recipe I will build upon.  This is the killer chili I knew I could make.

If you know me or read my posts- when I write them that is, then you know, I'm not big on measuring... but, I'm going to do the best I can so future me can have a chance at recreating one of the best dishes I may have ever made.

Part One.  Sauce.

One issue I've had is the backbone of the chili.  It's never rich enough.  And how can I fix that?  Butter.  I decided to make a thicker version of the homemade enchilada sauce I often make.  Here's what I did:

About 3 TBSP butter, melted, a little bubbly.  About 5 TBSP brown rice flour, cooked for a couple minutes to make the roux.  I then added a 15oz can of tomato sauce, as well as 2 1/2 cups or so of chicken stock, salt, and lots of chili spices... and I have no idea how much... I just added until it seemed a little too seasoned so that it would be enough to later carry through the veggies, meat, and beans.  I used probably even amounts of Penzey's Chili 3000 and their Medium Hot Chili Powder... possibly 2 TBSP each? Total guess, could have been more... or maybe less?  I threw in maybe a TBSP of Penzey's Arizona Dreaming, and probably a couple TBSPs of cumin.  A little of this, a little more of that... I stopped when it tasted right.  I let it all simmer and thicken a bit.

Side note on Penzey's Arizona Dreaming:  It's freaking so good.  If you aren't lucky enough to have a Penzey's near you, place a mail order and be sure to just go ahead and buy at least the 4oz bag, because you will use this spice mix often.  It's basically ancho chili powder, onion, garlic, paprika, lemon peel, chipotle and jalapeno pepper, and cocoa.  I mean, what can I even say about that? 

Part Two.  The base.

2 medium onions, some peppers:  2 large jalapenos, a poblano, a hatch, and 2 habaneros, 5 cloves of garlic all sweated down in a good glug of EVOO and a heavy pinch of salt.  As soon as they got going a bit, I put in a pound of grass fed 85% ground beef, as well as 2 links of pork chorizo.  The 2 links weighed about 3/4 of a pound, and I had the butcher at Whole Foods remove the casings for me.  I let it all cook down happily together until the meat was just cooked through.  I then added:  1 can of Amy's Refried Beans with Green Chilis, a can of black beans, and a can of pinto beans.  In went the prepared sauce and about 3/4 of a 28oz can of fire roasted crushed tomatoes.
I had the seasoning and heat spot on.  The tomatoes gave it the acidic balance it needed, and the backbone you ask?  Totally rich tomatoey heaven.  I was all smiles.  I gave it about 30 minutes to cook on low before we dug in.  We like to top our chili with sharp cheddar, sour cream, and jalapenos.  Scott also add an ingenious idea when consuming his 2nd bowl:  Crushed tortilla chips on the bottom.  I knew I married him for good reason. 

I may experiment a bit more with some of the leftovers by going Cincinnati style... I'm going to cook some tagliatelle gluten free pasta I have in the pantry, toss it with a little of the leftover crushed tomatoes to keep it moist, put it in a casserole dish, top it with the chili and cheddar cheeses and bake it of until it's all bubbly.  I'm pretty excited.   If it's awesome, I'll add a picture in.  As for breakfast today, eggs with chili sounds pretty damn good. 

I've quite enjoyed my culinary writing time today.  I need to get back to this hobby.  It's fun.  No need to wait 18 months before posting again...

White ChiLightning

Last Saturday, Scott and I spent a good few hours at Barnes and Noble. He was leaving for St. Louis Sunday afternoon and had a lot of work to do. I did no work- even though I had a bag full of papers to grade- but, instead took the time to just write, read, and research. Eventually, we got hungry and I started thinking about dinner. I wanted something super comforting, and since it was going on 6 o'clock, I needed something that wouldn't take hours to prepare. I was at a good place for inspiration, and when looking through Chef Magazine, I saw a bowl of red chili. Instantly, I thought of something I'd oddly craved for years, but have never eaten before in my life. White Chicken Chili. I'd thought about making it several times with Quorn, but never did. Now that I was working some meat back into my menu, it was time.

I spent a little time looking through cookbooks, and also did a little online searching until I'd taken all I'd seen, added my own preferences, and came up with the recipe I would use. I made my grocery list, and we hit up the Martin's that was right next door.

When we got home, I started by chopping the organically vegetarian anti-biotic free chicken tenders into small bite size pieces and dropped them into my sturdy saute pan with about 3 TBSP of EVOO. Next, I added a chopped yellow onion and about 6 large garlic cloves that I put through a press. I cooked it until the chicken wasn't pink anymore and the onion and six cloves of garlic were filling the air with promise. Time to take it off the heat. I stirred it with a wooden spoon the whole time, and that helped shred the chicken a bit for me.

Next came out my Le Cresuet. I put in another TBSP of EVOO along with about a teaspoon of coriander and 2 heaping teaspoons of cumin. I let the spices soak up the oil and toast a bit before adding 3 finely diced jalepanos. I actually planned to put one habanero and one jalepeno in this chili, but Martin's had no habaneros. Next was a chopped anaheim- I wanted to use a poblano, but again, Martin's had none. The japs and anaheim did the job just fine.

I added about 3/4 of a box of vegetable stock. (I imagine chicken stock might add more depth, but I'm not all gung ho about eating meat, so I'd prefer to use veggie stock, even if I am cooking meat. This is the first time I cooked chicken in almost 10 years. It was a little weird for me.) I juiced a lime and added the juice. I let all of this come to a boil for about 10 minutes before adding about a cup of frozen baby sweet corn kernels, two cans of rinsed navy beans, and the chicken/onion/garlic mixture. I let it come to a nice rolling boil before I backed it off to a simmer. I gave it about 25 minutes to do its thing before adding a handful of chopped cilantro. Heat off.

When it cooled a bit and was ready to serve, I ladled a huge servings into my favorite soup bowls, which had belonged to Grandma Phoebe. I topped the chili with some jalapeno jack cheese, some sour cream, chopped tomatoes, and a few cilantro leaves. We had a some Snyder's White Corn Tortilla Chips on the side. The chili was delicious and every bit as comforting as I needed it to be. The heat was just enough, the balance came with the cilantro and lime juice, and the sour cream and Jalapeno Jack completed the texture. Scott was happy, and as he filled his bowl with a second helping, I felt sure he'd return to me from the Midwest.

I also think I finally understand the previously inexplicable cravings I had for this dish, and am quite sure I will want it again very soon.

Putting My Money Where My Mouth Is.

We spend a lot of money on groceries.

Everyone says that eating healthy really costs more, because, well, it does. Buying local free range organically and vegetarian fed chicken eggs for $5/dozen is simply more expensive than... well, I don't know. How much are the battery house torture chamber eggs? I really have no idea, but I'm guessing it's a lot less than $5. Eating gluten free doesn't help matters either. Although I had one little success with bread, I'm no where near depending on myself completely, and my current loaf of choice is nearly $6. Add organic dairy, fruits, and veggies to the list, and oh! Don't forget Scott's 6-pack of micro brews and it's easy to see how groceries top our list of expenses.

We have been well aware of this for quite some time, but have decided it's worth it. It's just worth it. Some people must have expensive brand name jeans or shoes. Some people like to always drive a new car. Others put a lot of money toward their hobbies or collections. It all boils down to priority. And whatever your priority is- good on you. You have to live for what makes you happy. If you're really lucky, and maybe you are- you can have it all. We're doing okay, but we're not that lucky- we have to choose.

Eating well makes us happy. We choose food.

(It works out that eating healthy doubles as my hobby since I love to cook the healthy food we buy. See? I'm doubling up- that certainly must save money!)

That said, we do have a wedding coming up and I have been trying not to allow the grocery bill to get any more out of hand. This means going to food that will go far. When I plan my meals at the beginning of the week, I always start with what I have on hand. On Sunday, my goal was also to see how far I could make every meal stretch. How could I use the same ingredients in several meals?

I started with a can of black beans sitting at attention in the pantry. I decided that spicy black beans would be a good place to start. I'd need to buy a red and yellow pepper- I put those on the Trader Joe's list- they are always cheapest there. I already had onions, of course, and there was already a bag of frozen corn in the freezer. I'd buy a couple Romas and we'd be good to go. Salsa, sour cream, and tortilla chips are all staples for us, so we'd have all the needed accompaniments. The best news was that I knew there would be leftover beans. I already decided how to use them and that would be for breakfast cuddled inside a nice thin omelet. They could stand in place of that expensive GF bread! My guess was that I'd have enough leftover for 2 days worth of breakfasts for Scott and me.

I knew I wouldn't need 2 entire peppers in my black beans, so I thought of how else I could use them. I decided I could caramelize them with a bigger onion than I needed for the beans, then I could use some of those to top a pizza since I had a GF crust in the freezer I wanted to use up so I can make my own. (Not a huge fan of what I bought, but it was a 2 pack...) and I'd use the rest to make a jarred pasta sauce more interesting. I had a jar of Organicville sauce I'd bought for back up when it was on sale. (Making your own is super easy, and cheaper, but come on, we all need a jarred sauce in the pantry!) I also had a free bag of corn pasta to use from the beverage manager at Maggiano's. He's super sweet and we had a long GF conversation when I was in last week. He gave me a bag to try. How nice was that?

I now had 3 dinners and 2 breakfasts going from the inspiration of a $1.20 can of beans.

Time to cook. I chopped a large yellow onion and both peppers and got them started with some evoo, salt, and pepper. I cooked them low and slow until they were brown and gorgeous. I removed a little more than half to use for the pizza and for the sauce. I added a handful of frozen corn. The water from the ice, along with a few TBSP from my glass, deglazed the pan perfectly. I added a bay leaf. I let the corn cook for a few minutes, then added some spice. Obviously, I love Penzey's, but these exact spices aren't necessary. I threw in two Chili Piquin peppers- tiny little dried peppers that pack a huge heat punch, a few shakes of Adobo powder, some Ancho Chile Powder, a little Chipotle Powder, and why not? Some of their Arizona Dreaming blend... it's so good... It's got several spices creating its perfection, but cumin, oregano, and lemon stand out. I added a bit of this and a bit of that until I liked the balance. If you're not lucky enough to live near a Penzey's and don't have time for their awesome mail order, just use some cumin, chile powder, and chopped jarred jalapenos. I let the spices toast and when it started to get a little dry, I added the two chopped Roma tomatoes and the black beans and just let it simmer for a bit while I waited for Scott to get home from playing basketball.

When it was time to eat, I piled a little of the beans on my plate, put a few chips on the side with some salsa and sour cream. I did buy a treat at the store... avocados were on sale, and they are so good and so good for you... I just couldn't resist. I cubed it up right in the skin and flaked it on to our plates. It would be perfect on the eggs too.

I dug in and yummm... cheap can be so good. The best part was that there was enough leftover for 4 small omelets, and I also had the rest of the onions and peppers in the fridge waiting for their moment. I don't think our grocery bill is declining greatly any time soon, but it is oddly satisfying to know how far I could stretch a can of beans, an onion, and 2 bell peppers. Maybe one day I'll eat this well AND buy clothes that aren't on the Target clearance rack. Until then, I choose food.

Amb

I've been putting off making pizza crust for a really long time... and I love making pizza, so it only seems right that I should be making my own crust. I also love cheesecake and I am resistant to it as well. I thought about this a lot as I attempted my first pizza crust and decided on a reason for why this might be.

Amber isn't even just one of my best friends. She is a sister to me straight up. We are so different and so alike at the same time- just as sisters often are. Many of my best memories include her, and as is true with sisters- we have certainly had our fights and disagreements. Every single moment made us stronger and closer. She lives a world away from me now, but I couldn't hold her closer to my heart.

Amber and I first met in 1996. We were in college, but this was over the summer. I was dating- are you ready for this small town mess- Ryan at the time. Ryan's friend was dating Billi Jo (who actually is my 2nd cousin.) Billi Jo and Amber were bff's. Billi and Amber lived in Penfield/DuBois- about an hour away from Emporium. Ryan and I were at the DuBois mall one day- where Amber worked- and he wanted me to meet her, as they'd had several opportunities to hang out seeing as their friends were dating one another. He introduced me and I don't think I made a very good impression. Luckily, I had another chance soon when I bunch of us caravaned it to Lilith Fair. Ryan had told me what a great girl she was, and I decided I wanted to be her friend. She was driving in another car, so I took the opportunity when we made a stop, and just went up to her and started talking, determined to make a better impression this time. We had a great time at Lilith Fair. I can't imagine if I hadn't taken that chance. What a loss that would have been.

Amber and I ended up living in the same apartment complex my senior year in college. (H-O!) That is when we became really close. I headed off to England the following year, but when I came back, we were both working at Chi Chi's. Ryan too- even though we were no longer dating, we were very close friends. Oh, the Cheech. Good times. Amber spent a lot of time at my place, and I spent a lot of time at hers. We were together pretty much all the time between working and hanging out. And then I got a teaching job in Greensboro. (Amb went with me for a week to do all of my interviewing- Amber!!! They are taking a SURVEY up ahead!!! What are we going to do?) Amber was finishing school. She visited a couple times, we talked all the time. This wasn't a friendship that was going to end. She decided after graduating that she would move to Greensboro as well to pursue teaching.

We thought a good long time about whether or not we should share an apartment. We certainly did not want to end up hating each other! We decided to take a chance. Amber, me, Heidi, Mama, and Booey. We were quite the little family. I will never forget unpacking her things and finding this orange plastic bowl that really has to be from the 1970s. I'd never seen it before and we laid on the floor laughing so hard we couldn't move. (I now own said bowl and always will- unless she moves back!) I remember starting each morning on the porch with our coffee and all the flowers Amber always had all over the place- I can't grow things, she is incredible. We took turns being the parent to each other. We had the best time, I'm so glad we had that time together. I am truly trying to keep this blog at a reasonable length, but it has occurred to me that I could probably write an entire book about our friendship. Amb- you still have the journal, right?

So, what does this all have to do with my anxiety over pizza crust and cheesecake?

Amber can cook. I mean, the girl has an Italian background and she can tear it up. She's awesome. And she would cook a lot of phenomenal food, but what I remember the best are her pizzas and cheesecakes... No words can explain how perfectly she does each. I realized this was what was holding me back. These were things Amber made... could I really even come close? Could I make them without her standing right there with me? I'm glad I chose to attempt the pizza crust first. Cheesecake is coming. At least I have her springform pan that she used every time to give me good luck... watch this space...

I needed a cocktail for some liquid courage. I made a killer one. Equal parts silver tequila and grapefruit juice, a splash of Grand Marnier, and ice all in a shaker. Shake it well, then strain into a glass. A martini glass would have been nice, but was dangerous in this situation. Top with soda water and squeeze in the juice from a hearty chunk of lime. Delish.

I decided to make a whole wheat crust. I think I wrote on her Facebook wall at least 3 or 4 times during the process. Since it was the middle of the night in New Zealand, I wasn't getting a response.... I was nervous, antsy waiting for the yeast to do its thing, and waiting for it to rise. I paced and worried... and it turned out just fine, outside of the funny shapes! I did dump out the first yeast/water/honey mixture and started again when the yeast didn't seem to foam up like it was supposed to- or was it?! I didn't really know for sure. I was more exact about water temperature the second time and it seemed to like that a bit better. The crust turned out a little dense maybe, but I did go with whole wheat flour for the nutrition factor. I think I'll try half and half next time. Or maybe whole wheat pastry flour, as it's supposed to be lighter. Anyway, I knew it wasn't going to be Amber's super light and crispy crust... I'm not ready to even try to make it like her's yet.

When my crust was done, I topped it with some homemade bbq sauce that I made from OJ, tomato paste, apple cider vinegar, dijon, mustard powder, onion and garlic powder, chili powder, pick a pepper sauce, brown sugar, ginger... um? I think that's it. Who knows? I just threw a lot of shit in a pot until it tasted pretty good. On top of the sauce I layered onions, garlic, and corn that I had caramelized together . Next were black beans, some chopped pineapple, and a nice Wisconsin Cheddar. In the oven it went and when it came out, I sprinkled cilantro all over the top. After cutting slices for Scott and I me, I drizzled each with a homemade ranch.

And where, do you ask, did I get this fabulous ranch dressing recipe? Amber, of course. My friend, Cameron, will absolutely choke me if I don't give exacts on this, as she's been asking when I'm going to make it and blog about it since my very first post. I make it a tiny bit different by adding a couple extra ingredients and upping the quantity of a few others, but the skeleton is all hers. Mine would have never become mine if it weren't for her and I give her all the credit.

3/4 cup Duke's
1/2 cup buttermilk
heaping TBSP sour cream (I only add this if I want it thicker, I didn't when making it for the pizza)
1 1/2 tsp dried onion
1 clove grated garlic
1/4 tsp garlic powder
2 TBSP dried parsley
4 TBSP high quality freshly grated Parmesan
a lot of freshly ground black pepper
splash of cayenne powder
TBSP or so of chopped chives if I can find them cheap
salt to taste

It's damn good. It's good on pizza, potato chips, hell, I even dipped crackers into this time. I don't think I ever ate it with salad, ironically... but, damn, that would be a rockin' salad. You just need a vessel to get it into your mouth. It's sensational, and it topped this bbq black bean pizza perfectly.

Amb would have been proud. It wasn't as good as her pepperoni pizza. Not even close. I am resigned to the fact that I just won't accomplish that... but, that's ok. I am pretty psyched it turned out at all, and according to Scott, it was one of the best pizzas I've made. It was filing at least. It even made a great breakfast when I baked off a leftover slice and threw a fried egg on top.

I end this post with a very grateful heart. Words can't describe how much I miss Amber since she moved to New Zealand several years ago. She has a beautiful daughter now, named Olivia, and although I've not met her, I miss her too. Amber will always, absolutely always, be my family. I truly cherish her and cannot imagine my life without her being a part. I know our kids will play together one day, and I can't wait. Who knows? Maybe we'll even end up as the crazy cat ladies with a house down by the river just like we always imagined.