Autoimmune Blows

My constant evolution with the food I use to fuel my body and my workouts continues.  I need to write it out, document the changes I feel, and hopefully figure some things out along the way.  I'm hoping for the experiences of others as well, because who can do this alone? 

Somewhere along the journey of losing 100 pounds, I realized I was never going to exist on chee-tos, Totino pizza rolls, and ginger ale ever again.  Along the way, a little at a time, my diet become more and more clean, more real, more whole.  It has left the inner parts of the grocery store and made it to mainly to the perimeter.  For some time now, I've made food.  From real, mainly organic, ingredients.  For about 6 years I was vegetarian.  Next, the whole joint super inflamed thing started becoming an issue a couple of years ago, and I gave up gluten.

Umm.... We won't talk about when I'm on vacation.  Or a couple months ago when I basically had a short hiatus that may or may not have included an entire Fried Talapia Reuben at Tarrant's Cafe.  I just read this post from when I first became gluten free and if my Then Self read this Now Self's current post she would be very disappointed.

I had actually started eating seafood occasionally when I gave up gluten, but without the gluten to help source my protein, I began eating meat again.  Eating meat feels good to my body.  Surprisingly so.  Physically at least.  Ethically I still fight it a bit. 

Not having gluten in my life is ok.  Overall, I don't miss it that much when cooking.  The gluten I use in cooking has been easy to replace.  (The oh so versatile Rice Chex...)  Eating out is more difficult, but I make it work.  Overall, it's just not that bad, but I'm not celiac.  If I have gluten in a sauce or give into temptation and have a bite of something I will not be running to the toilet.  I am fairy certain the inside of my body would not agree with that statement, but I don't fall to terrible immediate symptoms like some.  Admittedly, I sometimes don't want to ask 500 questions of a server.  Sometimes I don't want to appear rude to a host.  And I guess sometimes I am just weak and want a Reuben.  I feel for those who don't have that freedom. 

That all said, it's time for the next step of taking control over this wonderful autoimmune body of mine.  I swear I practically cry every time I read all the foods those with autoimmune issues should avoid.  Y'all ready?  Imagine Paleo but a million times more restrictive.  Here goes:  Grains (as in ALL of them- rice, corn, wheat, the lot.), beans, legumes, eggs, dairy, nuts, seeds, sugar, every vegetable oil outside of coconut and olive, chocolate, caffeine, coffee, alcohol (um, have you met me?!), nightshade vegetables, and possibly FODMAPs. (They include onions.  If you have read my very first post, or know me at all... no.  Can't be, will not be me.)

Effing REALLY?!

I started reading about it in much more depth only about a month ago.  I feel so behind.  At that time, I was miserable.  Yes, there was my gluten downfall- and I should say it was just a few meals, not like I was eating it daily, but I was feeling so bad, even though it'd been a month or so since my escapade.  EVERYTHING in my body was aching and hurting beyond recent memory.  And it was not because I like to lift heavy things at the gym.  I felt like I was on fire.  Sitting at Barnes and Noble (latte in hand, obviously) with hips so sore it hurt to sit and the middle of my back burning through my skin, I realized I felt just like I did 100 pounds ago.  Lost and confused and not knowing where to start.  So, I decided to start where I started 100 pounds ago.  With one thing at a time.  One change at a time.

I thought a lot about what foods I'd been eating that had been different.  Obviously, the few cheats with gluten, but I'd done that before and not felt THIS bad.  So, what was different?  Tomatoes.  It was the cusp of fall and I had been absolutely about some meatballs and sauce.  And tomato based soups, chili, and things like enchilada casserole.  I'd been cooking with tomatoes every weekend and eating those leftovers all week long consistently for about a month.  I don't dislike fresh tomatoes, but I don't seek them out, so I don't take in nearly as much of them in the summer months.  I figured it seemed most logical to start by cutting out nightshades.

Nightshades include tomatoes, white potatoes (not sweet thank you sweet Jesus), eggplant, and... so sadly, peppers.  All peppers.  EVERY single one of them.  That's where it hurts.  (At least peppercorns are safe.)  A quick Google will give you loads of info on how these veggies contain alkaloids, which are basically poison to folks with sensitivities.  The alkaloids in nightshades has been connected to chronic joint pain and inflammation. 

In my reading, I have noted that tomatoes seem to be the biggest offenders of those with nightshade issues, just like gluten is to those with grain allergies.  I've also read that some people can tolerate very small doses of nightshades, while others can tolerate none.  I felt like I should be hopeful for the membership into the first group. With this thought in mind, I have had the following small amounts of nightshades in the past month:  I used a jalapeno in some guacamole, prepared Curry (cayenne) in the recipe I'm posting today, taken a few bites of hash browns when we went out for breakfast, enjoyed an olive tapenade a friend brought over that had a bit of tomato in it, and indulged in the paprika that was sprinkled on the NOT roasted red pepper hummus I purchased. 

It's not been so bad.  And the best part?  I feel freaking awesome.  Like the best I have felt in a very long time.  Not only am I not feeling like a hot little inflamed mess, even the chronic black circles under my eyes (due to my cockroach poop allergies, according to the Doc) are lightening a bit, mentally I feel more clear- fewer anxious and depressed feelings, my knee joints aren't popping constantly, and my workouts have been fierce.  Oh, and the best part may be not having to put a hot wash cloth on my lower back to loosen it enough so I can bend down to brush my teeth in the mornings.  I think I'm onto something.
The idea is to eliminate all nightshades for 4-6 weeks, then go on a nightshade binge for a day to see what happens in the following 2-3 days.  This would then prove your sensitivity.  I can see it now.  Gluten free pizza for breakfast piled high w/ caramelized green peppers, spicy meatballs in a rich tomato sauce for lunch, and a crock pot full of chili topped with jalapenos for dinner.  I don't think I would plan a day out like that for real- although quite fun to imagine- but I am sure I will eventually give in to going to dinner at Maya, or will just absolutely not be able to take another minute without a a cheesy gooey tomatoey pasta casserole... and then we'll see what happens.  At the moment, I am feeling really good, so I'm just going to try to go with that. 

How I have treated this month with nightshades is close to how I am treating my overall approach to the autoimmune diet.  80% good... 20% still adapting. 

My thought about how I will approach my posts, for awhile anyway, is to take the full day around a recipe I want to post and use it as a snapshot of my progress- or lack there of, perhaps.

This is what I ate Thursday...  please excuse not only the poor photo quality, but also the somewhat cheesy, yet terribly convenient, photo collage.  I aim to do better.  But I still might keep the collages.  They are crazy fun to make. 

Breakfast:  Banana- because wow.  Look at that pathetic little guy.  Needed eaten.  I also had sauerkraut, and hash (I know it looks like ass, but I promise it's swoon worthy... please give the recipe below a chance...)
Snack:  Green tea (switching to decaf...), and an almond and coconut energy bite
Lunch:  Chicken thigh, sweet mashed potato, broccoli simply seasoned with only salt and pepper
Snack:  Hash
Pre-dinner:  Thursday evening cocktail:  Vodka, soda water, lime juice, splash of cranberry
Dinner:  Salad w/ Romaine, spinach, avocado, onion, carrots, cucumber, slivered almonds, broccoli, cauliflower, chicken thigh, homemade balsamic dressing, and a drizzle of Simply Dressed Feta dressing.  And a sweet potato and bacon autoimmune diet friendly biscuit.

Lots of stuff here that has me on the right track... the 80%...  The 20%... Almonds... agave in the energy bite... Vodka and cranberry... Feta dressing drizzle... And I absolutely had coffee w/ half and half that morning, but you all know what a cup of coffee looks like.  I will pat myself on the back for the fact that I am cutting back.  My coffee cup as I type is half full and cold.  And I will do everything in my power to not stop at Starbucks later or grab a coffee at Whole Foods while I shop.  We'll see how it goes.  I just can't completely promise.  Overall, this day is probably a bit better than 80%.  I'm sure I'll make up for that on the weekend.

Promise me you'll try this hash even if it's not pretty.  It's super good and comes together in a second once you have the squash roasted.  I made it on a Sunday to fuel us through the week for breakfasts, lunches, and snacks, but it's fast enough that it would actually be great for a weeknight dinner.   Especially easy if the squash was roasted over the weekend prior, and I do love a good weekend food prep for the week ahead!  

Beef and Butternut Squash Hash

Preheat oven to 400.  

Coconut oil
1 medium onion, chopped
Handful of shredded carrots
1 pound grass fed ground beef
1 medium butternut squash
Your favorite Curry- I used Penzey's Vindaloo

Cut the ends from the squash and peel.  Slice the squash in half and dig out all of the seeds.  Cut in cubes and put the cubes in a bowl.  Take about a TBSP of coconut oil and give it a quick melt in the microwave.  Pour a tiny bit at a time over the squash and toss until all the cubes are glistening and happy.  Pour them out onto a cookie sheet and bake them for about 30 minutes or so.  Give them a stir once in awhile if your oven is like mine and the back right corner- even though it's convection- holds a hot spot.  You want the squash to be soft and easy to eat.  Maybe some little brown bits here and there.

In a saute pan over medium heat, use any remaining coconut oil from before and add a bit more to get a shy TBSP.  Add chopped onion and carrot and let them have some time to cook down with some salt and pepper.  At this point, I add about 1 TBSP of curry and allow it make the house smell super good.  Once the spices have a few moments, add the beef and garlic.  Cook until the beef is browned, then add the butternut squash and another TBSP (or to taste) of your curry.  Combine well and give the hash a little time to come together and get well acquainted on a low heat. 

That's it.  Eat from it all week.

If you haven't cooked with coconut oil before, please note that your leftovers will have bits of white- that's the coconut oil.  It just hardens again from your fridge.  It's all good.  It will melt when you warm it up.



If you made it this far, thanks for reading... if you are battling any of this same mess, please leave me a comment or contact me.  I could really use some of your thoughts, advice, and support.  And your autoimmune friendly recipes are always welcome!

It's been too long.

It's been forever.  Well over a year.  Since I last posted, Scott and I not only got married, but have celebrated our one year anniversary.  Life has been good, and I am thankful and feel incredibly blessed to have my marriage, my health, our pets Henry and Simcoe, and our cozy little home.

I haven't gotten away from cooking at all... but for some reason, I just got away from writing about what I cook.

It took chili to bring me back in... and here is why.  Every single time I make chili, I stress out a bit.  It's Scott's favorite.  He'd be happy if I made it every weekend.  He never wants me to invite anyone over when I make it, and he always looks into the 7 quart pot that is usually quite close to full and asks if that's all I am making.  So I don't want it to just be good.  I want to make a killer chili.  I set off each time by consulting new recipes.  I then throw something together that is inspired by those recipes as well as our own tastes.  But I'm never totally satisfied.  There always feels like something is... slightly off or unbalanced... even though it's usually quite good and well received.  I just always feel it's full potential has not yet been attained. 

Yesterday, boys and girls.  It happened.

I refused to over think it.  I decided just to go with it.  Funny how that same philosophy so often turns out to be the best way to approach many things in life, yet, I usually don't proceed that way. Will I ever learn?

So I must document how following that instinct panned out.  I must write out this recipe now so that I don't forget what happened.  This is the recipe I will build upon.  This is the killer chili I knew I could make.

If you know me or read my posts- when I write them that is, then you know, I'm not big on measuring... but, I'm going to do the best I can so future me can have a chance at recreating one of the best dishes I may have ever made.

Part One.  Sauce.

One issue I've had is the backbone of the chili.  It's never rich enough.  And how can I fix that?  Butter.  I decided to make a thicker version of the homemade enchilada sauce I often make.  Here's what I did:

About 3 TBSP butter, melted, a little bubbly.  About 5 TBSP brown rice flour, cooked for a couple minutes to make the roux.  I then added a 15oz can of tomato sauce, as well as 2 1/2 cups or so of chicken stock, salt, and lots of chili spices... and I have no idea how much... I just added until it seemed a little too seasoned so that it would be enough to later carry through the veggies, meat, and beans.  I used probably even amounts of Penzey's Chili 3000 and their Medium Hot Chili Powder... possibly 2 TBSP each? Total guess, could have been more... or maybe less?  I threw in maybe a TBSP of Penzey's Arizona Dreaming, and probably a couple TBSPs of cumin.  A little of this, a little more of that... I stopped when it tasted right.  I let it all simmer and thicken a bit.

Side note on Penzey's Arizona Dreaming:  It's freaking so good.  If you aren't lucky enough to have a Penzey's near you, place a mail order and be sure to just go ahead and buy at least the 4oz bag, because you will use this spice mix often.  It's basically ancho chili powder, onion, garlic, paprika, lemon peel, chipotle and jalapeno pepper, and cocoa.  I mean, what can I even say about that? 

Part Two.  The base.

2 medium onions, some peppers:  2 large jalapenos, a poblano, a hatch, and 2 habaneros, 5 cloves of garlic all sweated down in a good glug of EVOO and a heavy pinch of salt.  As soon as they got going a bit, I put in a pound of grass fed 85% ground beef, as well as 2 links of pork chorizo.  The 2 links weighed about 3/4 of a pound, and I had the butcher at Whole Foods remove the casings for me.  I let it all cook down happily together until the meat was just cooked through.  I then added:  1 can of Amy's Refried Beans with Green Chilis, a can of black beans, and a can of pinto beans.  In went the prepared sauce and about 3/4 of a 28oz can of fire roasted crushed tomatoes.
I had the seasoning and heat spot on.  The tomatoes gave it the acidic balance it needed, and the backbone you ask?  Totally rich tomatoey heaven.  I was all smiles.  I gave it about 30 minutes to cook on low before we dug in.  We like to top our chili with sharp cheddar, sour cream, and jalapenos.  Scott also add an ingenious idea when consuming his 2nd bowl:  Crushed tortilla chips on the bottom.  I knew I married him for good reason. 

I may experiment a bit more with some of the leftovers by going Cincinnati style... I'm going to cook some tagliatelle gluten free pasta I have in the pantry, toss it with a little of the leftover crushed tomatoes to keep it moist, put it in a casserole dish, top it with the chili and cheddar cheeses and bake it of until it's all bubbly.  I'm pretty excited.   If it's awesome, I'll add a picture in.  As for breakfast today, eggs with chili sounds pretty damn good. 

I've quite enjoyed my culinary writing time today.  I need to get back to this hobby.  It's fun.  No need to wait 18 months before posting again...

New Friends

Arugula and Robust beside the bowl of mango salsa

Dinner is served... it looks a little messy on the plate, but that's ok because it tasted super good.

A couple weekends ago, Scott and I stopped into Capital Ale House around 4pm after a day of wedding shopping and errands. We sat at the outside bar. I got my Stoli and soda water, and Scott took 30 minutes and inquiry with the bartender before choosing from their 275 beers on offer. It was relaxing and a great way to end a busy day. We listened to another conversation happening at the bar about beer and food pairings, we watched the baby ducks and their momma walking around the patio area, we tried to decide what we'd do for dinner...

That's when a guy came out to the bar and sat in one of the 2 chairs to my left. He very sweetly asked if I'd mind moving my purse, as a friend was joining him. I told him that my bag needed its own chair. He had a quick and clever comeback. The bantering only continued when his friend arrived wearing a DARE t-shirt. (Can you believe it's called PEAK now?) We'd had several laughs with these guys before we even knew their names. Travis had been the first to arrive, and his friend was Mike. Instantly, we were into full blown discussions, and Scott and I ordered another round.

The rounds kept coming, the conversation never died down, and it was 10 o'clock before our little party broke up. Numbers were exchanged, and intentions for hanging out again soon were shared.

Fast forward 2 weeks, several food texting conversations, and emails about lesson plans. We were all at Capital Ale House again in the late afternoon enjoying the gorgeous weather. After 2 rounds and a couple of hours, we knew we should make a move. The last time we hung out, no one was feeling all that awesome the next day. So, food. Let's cook food. We suggested they come to the house for dinner. Mike and I are the foodies of the group, so the planning was all us. We were good with that. Mike and I instantly started throwing out ideas... tilapia? chicken? olive tapenade? citrus? roasted potatoes? In about 5 minutes we settled on something that would be fairly easy and economical. We'd saute some chicken up (We don't have a grill yet, sadly) and top it with a mango salsa. We'd roast some potatoes- let's do fingerling!- and add in some onions and garlic. An arugula salad on the side and we'd have a simple meal. Mike and I took off for Whole Foods while Travis and Scott stayed back to finish their Schlafly American Pale Ales.

Mango, lime, red onion, cilantro, jalepeno, garlic, avocado, chicken, potatoes, a nice cheese, and we were out the door and on our way to meet Travis and Scott at the house. Mike got to work on potatoes right away, slicing them lengthwise, and adding in the garlic and EVOO. I was on veg prep, so I threw the onions into the mix. My salsa was coming along. I diced up the mango- which was so sweet and perfect, some red onion, a jalepeno, some tomato, avocado, and cilantro. I added some black beans I'd had in the fridge, and seasoned it with salt, pepper, cumin, and Mexican oregano. While I was at it, I sliced some red onion and tomato for the salad. Potatoes were in the oven, and Mike got to work on the protein. He added EVOO and butter in the heavy saute pan, followed by the bite size tenders that would work their way into a nice shred ready to be topped by the salsa. I made a quick dressing for the arugula with a pressed garlic clove, balsamic vinegar, EVOO, Dijon, salt, and pepper. When the potatoes and chicken were done, I tossed some dressing, the cheese, and arugula in a big bowl, so we could easily top it with the veggies and nuts.

Dinner was served and everyone was happy. We had a great time. Travis and Mike are the kind of people you want to meet. Easy-going, funny, unpretentious, and real. Mike and I have made many plans for future meals, and I'm pretty sure Scott and Travis will be happy to eat what we make. This should ensure many more good times together and I'm very good with that.

White ChiLightning

Last Saturday, Scott and I spent a good few hours at Barnes and Noble. He was leaving for St. Louis Sunday afternoon and had a lot of work to do. I did no work- even though I had a bag full of papers to grade- but, instead took the time to just write, read, and research. Eventually, we got hungry and I started thinking about dinner. I wanted something super comforting, and since it was going on 6 o'clock, I needed something that wouldn't take hours to prepare. I was at a good place for inspiration, and when looking through Chef Magazine, I saw a bowl of red chili. Instantly, I thought of something I'd oddly craved for years, but have never eaten before in my life. White Chicken Chili. I'd thought about making it several times with Quorn, but never did. Now that I was working some meat back into my menu, it was time.

I spent a little time looking through cookbooks, and also did a little online searching until I'd taken all I'd seen, added my own preferences, and came up with the recipe I would use. I made my grocery list, and we hit up the Martin's that was right next door.

When we got home, I started by chopping the organically vegetarian anti-biotic free chicken tenders into small bite size pieces and dropped them into my sturdy saute pan with about 3 TBSP of EVOO. Next, I added a chopped yellow onion and about 6 large garlic cloves that I put through a press. I cooked it until the chicken wasn't pink anymore and the onion and six cloves of garlic were filling the air with promise. Time to take it off the heat. I stirred it with a wooden spoon the whole time, and that helped shred the chicken a bit for me.

Next came out my Le Cresuet. I put in another TBSP of EVOO along with about a teaspoon of coriander and 2 heaping teaspoons of cumin. I let the spices soak up the oil and toast a bit before adding 3 finely diced jalepanos. I actually planned to put one habanero and one jalepeno in this chili, but Martin's had no habaneros. Next was a chopped anaheim- I wanted to use a poblano, but again, Martin's had none. The japs and anaheim did the job just fine.

I added about 3/4 of a box of vegetable stock. (I imagine chicken stock might add more depth, but I'm not all gung ho about eating meat, so I'd prefer to use veggie stock, even if I am cooking meat. This is the first time I cooked chicken in almost 10 years. It was a little weird for me.) I juiced a lime and added the juice. I let all of this come to a boil for about 10 minutes before adding about a cup of frozen baby sweet corn kernels, two cans of rinsed navy beans, and the chicken/onion/garlic mixture. I let it come to a nice rolling boil before I backed it off to a simmer. I gave it about 25 minutes to do its thing before adding a handful of chopped cilantro. Heat off.

When it cooled a bit and was ready to serve, I ladled a huge servings into my favorite soup bowls, which had belonged to Grandma Phoebe. I topped the chili with some jalapeno jack cheese, some sour cream, chopped tomatoes, and a few cilantro leaves. We had a some Snyder's White Corn Tortilla Chips on the side. The chili was delicious and every bit as comforting as I needed it to be. The heat was just enough, the balance came with the cilantro and lime juice, and the sour cream and Jalapeno Jack completed the texture. Scott was happy, and as he filled his bowl with a second helping, I felt sure he'd return to me from the Midwest.

I also think I finally understand the previously inexplicable cravings I had for this dish, and am quite sure I will want it again very soon.

Putting My Money Where My Mouth Is.

We spend a lot of money on groceries.

Everyone says that eating healthy really costs more, because, well, it does. Buying local free range organically and vegetarian fed chicken eggs for $5/dozen is simply more expensive than... well, I don't know. How much are the battery house torture chamber eggs? I really have no idea, but I'm guessing it's a lot less than $5. Eating gluten free doesn't help matters either. Although I had one little success with bread, I'm no where near depending on myself completely, and my current loaf of choice is nearly $6. Add organic dairy, fruits, and veggies to the list, and oh! Don't forget Scott's 6-pack of micro brews and it's easy to see how groceries top our list of expenses.

We have been well aware of this for quite some time, but have decided it's worth it. It's just worth it. Some people must have expensive brand name jeans or shoes. Some people like to always drive a new car. Others put a lot of money toward their hobbies or collections. It all boils down to priority. And whatever your priority is- good on you. You have to live for what makes you happy. If you're really lucky, and maybe you are- you can have it all. We're doing okay, but we're not that lucky- we have to choose.

Eating well makes us happy. We choose food.

(It works out that eating healthy doubles as my hobby since I love to cook the healthy food we buy. See? I'm doubling up- that certainly must save money!)

That said, we do have a wedding coming up and I have been trying not to allow the grocery bill to get any more out of hand. This means going to food that will go far. When I plan my meals at the beginning of the week, I always start with what I have on hand. On Sunday, my goal was also to see how far I could make every meal stretch. How could I use the same ingredients in several meals?

I started with a can of black beans sitting at attention in the pantry. I decided that spicy black beans would be a good place to start. I'd need to buy a red and yellow pepper- I put those on the Trader Joe's list- they are always cheapest there. I already had onions, of course, and there was already a bag of frozen corn in the freezer. I'd buy a couple Romas and we'd be good to go. Salsa, sour cream, and tortilla chips are all staples for us, so we'd have all the needed accompaniments. The best news was that I knew there would be leftover beans. I already decided how to use them and that would be for breakfast cuddled inside a nice thin omelet. They could stand in place of that expensive GF bread! My guess was that I'd have enough leftover for 2 days worth of breakfasts for Scott and me.

I knew I wouldn't need 2 entire peppers in my black beans, so I thought of how else I could use them. I decided I could caramelize them with a bigger onion than I needed for the beans, then I could use some of those to top a pizza since I had a GF crust in the freezer I wanted to use up so I can make my own. (Not a huge fan of what I bought, but it was a 2 pack...) and I'd use the rest to make a jarred pasta sauce more interesting. I had a jar of Organicville sauce I'd bought for back up when it was on sale. (Making your own is super easy, and cheaper, but come on, we all need a jarred sauce in the pantry!) I also had a free bag of corn pasta to use from the beverage manager at Maggiano's. He's super sweet and we had a long GF conversation when I was in last week. He gave me a bag to try. How nice was that?

I now had 3 dinners and 2 breakfasts going from the inspiration of a $1.20 can of beans.

Time to cook. I chopped a large yellow onion and both peppers and got them started with some evoo, salt, and pepper. I cooked them low and slow until they were brown and gorgeous. I removed a little more than half to use for the pizza and for the sauce. I added a handful of frozen corn. The water from the ice, along with a few TBSP from my glass, deglazed the pan perfectly. I added a bay leaf. I let the corn cook for a few minutes, then added some spice. Obviously, I love Penzey's, but these exact spices aren't necessary. I threw in two Chili Piquin peppers- tiny little dried peppers that pack a huge heat punch, a few shakes of Adobo powder, some Ancho Chile Powder, a little Chipotle Powder, and why not? Some of their Arizona Dreaming blend... it's so good... It's got several spices creating its perfection, but cumin, oregano, and lemon stand out. I added a bit of this and a bit of that until I liked the balance. If you're not lucky enough to live near a Penzey's and don't have time for their awesome mail order, just use some cumin, chile powder, and chopped jarred jalapenos. I let the spices toast and when it started to get a little dry, I added the two chopped Roma tomatoes and the black beans and just let it simmer for a bit while I waited for Scott to get home from playing basketball.

When it was time to eat, I piled a little of the beans on my plate, put a few chips on the side with some salsa and sour cream. I did buy a treat at the store... avocados were on sale, and they are so good and so good for you... I just couldn't resist. I cubed it up right in the skin and flaked it on to our plates. It would be perfect on the eggs too.

I dug in and yummm... cheap can be so good. The best part was that there was enough leftover for 4 small omelets, and I also had the rest of the onions and peppers in the fridge waiting for their moment. I don't think our grocery bill is declining greatly any time soon, but it is oddly satisfying to know how far I could stretch a can of beans, an onion, and 2 bell peppers. Maybe one day I'll eat this well AND buy clothes that aren't on the Target clearance rack. Until then, I choose food.

My first loaf of bread- ever. And it's gluten free.

A favorite childhood memory is breakfast at Grandma Phoebe's house. She'd cut a sinfully thick slice of her homemade rye bread, toast it perfectly, and slather it with butter. It was heaven.

I have her recipe, but I never baked a loaf. I've never baked a loaf of bread that wasn't a quick bread. I've always wanted to, but I never did. My grandma would spend full days baking bread and rolls. I've been there, I've helped her, I've watched the entire process, but I just never had the courage to try it myself. I'm not afraid of all baking. Cookies? No problem. I'll bust out biscotti and complicated cookies at Christmas time that get rave reviews. But bread? That's a whole new ball game. And I won't even comment here on cake.

After a couple weeks of eating gluten free frozen bread products void of protein and fiber, I had a realization. The reason I never baked before was because the Universe had plans. I needed to wait to learn to bake until now. I had to learn how to bake in a totally different way than Grandma. I had to learn to bake gluten free because this is now my path. And so began endless amounts of reading and learning about different flour combinations and starches... which ones were highest in protein, which were highest in fiber, and how to use those in proportion to the starches and flours that don't offer as much on the nutrition end, but are needed to create a tasty end product.

I happened upon Karina's Kitchen. I learned a lot on her blog not just about gluten free baking, but about gluten free living. Unless you just came out from under a rock, if you have any food sensitivities at all, I am sure you know exactly who she is. I spent a lot of time just browsing her recipes and her thoughts and learning from her immense experience. I loved that she had some of the same feelings I had about flours. She most often uses sorghum, millet, almond, and buckwheat- and those were all high on my list and in my pantry waiting for me.

Suddenly, my computer lit up and fireworks began to explode. Karina had a recipe for Ryeless Rye bread. REALLY? I could possibly taste something like the heaven Grandma used to make for me? This could happen? Reading the recipe only made me more excited. She used sorghum and millet, which would make this bread much healthier than the loaf currently in my freezer, and the caraway seeds were practically calling my name.

When we went to Penzey's this weekend, I went straight for the caraway seeds and inhaled the sample jar deeply. I just didn't want to be disappointed. I mean, really, I have never baked bread before and now I suddenly think I'm going to pull off a gluten free loaf? I talked myself down off the ledge. If it sucked, I'd chuck it. I'd try again. I'd get it right. Unless I wanted to depend on store brand nutritionally challenged gluten free bread forever, I'd have to.

Here is the link to Karina's Ryeless Rye Bread.

For now, I hid within the safety of following her recipe almost to the T. I did use 2 eggs versus the egg replacer. I didn't use sesame seeds on top, but instead more caraway like Grandma did. At the moment I was sprinkling the caraway seeds on top, I felt her presence as I often do when I'm in the kitchen. I was once again reminded how much I love that cooking keeps me so close to my family who I miss so much.

My bread took about 40 minutes to bake. It was golden on top and fell right out of the baking pan. I devoured the end slice immediately. I slathered on some Earth Balance and dug in. Scott was napping on the couch and I thought my smile might wake him up. It was so yummy. It was as close as I could have ever hoped. I went right back for a second slice, which I popped in the toaster. When it was ready it woke Scott up. I was happy to share and to see him join in my excitement upon his first bite. I'd done it! I baked bread and it was good!

I'm excited to move forward. I want to explore bread. I want to decide on the combination I like best and that I feel is most healthy for me. I want to make baguette and pizza crusts... breakfasts breads and dinner rolls... I want to make biscotti nearly as good as I always have with wheat flour and maybe even a cake one day... Today was a great start and I am crazy excited to keep going.

Becoming gluten free is going to allow me to learn so much. I don't for one second want to feel sorry for myself or be depressed because I can't have something. I want to make anything I used to eat. And I want it to be as close to, or even better, than I ever remember it being.

I need a snack.

Aren't snacks every bit as important as meals? They get you through never ending mornings, give you the energy for the gym, make watching a movie just that much better, and are perfect with a cocktail and conversation...

I've noticed magazines lately offering endless lists of healthy snacks. I love this. It makes me want to yell at random people, "Put down the 100 calorie pack of crap. Eating healthy snacks is easy. You will feel better. And damn it, you're smart enough to figure out your own reasonable portion!!!"

Snacks for me usually hang out in the fruit and nut area during the week while I'm at school. Walnuts, pumpkin seeds, almonds, oranges, apple slices, pineapple, to name a few. Larabars have been a new favorite since going GF and I love their simple list of ingredients. (My favorite, peanut butter cookie, has simple dates, peanuts, and salt in the ingredient list.) At home, hummus goes without saying, and wouldn't be complete without the perfect companion. These days, I'm into Trader Joe's Baked Lentil Chips. Sometimes I go for a few Snyder's white corn tortilla chips dunked in super spicy salsa. (Can you believe they have 40% less fat than most other tortilla chips and their texture is perfect?) When friends are over and a Stoli is in hand, olives are required. And popcorn during a movie should never come from the microwave.

Upon reading through one of the previously mentioned snack lists, I came across kale chips. I've seen kale chips at Whole Foods pop up in the past month. They are a whopping $7 for what looks to be a couple handfuls. I searched Google and discovered just how easy they are to make. I followed the recipe from my favorite cooking couple, The Neeley's. (Seriously, I LOVE them.) I tore the leaves off the stalks of a bunch of kale and put them in the salad spinner. After a soak and spin, I laid the leaves out on a tea towel to air dry for about a half hour. I put them in a big bowl and used about a TBSP of evoo on the bunch. After a good toss to coat all the leaves evenly, I spread them out on parchment lined baking sheets. A little sea salt and freshly ground pepper led to them going into the oven on 300 for 25 minutes. When they came out, I sprinkled them with a bit of brown sugar and let them cool. I popped a couple in my mouth to try and had to come right back to my computer to avoid standing there eating both trays immediately. They are seriously amazing. Amazing. If you run screaming from greens, this is the recipe for you. Nothing about them feels green. A lovely way to sneak in some vitamin K and calcium. I apologize for not having a photo. I accidentally deleted it. Technology and I have come a long way, but we still have our moments. Picture gorgeous green leaves of crispy perfection and you pretty much have it.

Next on the agenda was a trail mix I saw in Claire Robinson's (The "other" woman) cookbook. I put 2 cups of raw pumpkin seeds, a cup of raw slivered almonds, and a cup of sunflower seeds into a bowl with 3 TBSP of high grade maple syrup (she says 6 TBSP, and that just seems like a lot to me, but if you're a sweets person, it might be perfect) and a heavy sprinkle of sea salt. I tossed them to coat and spread them on 2 parchment lined baking sheets. I set the oven back to 300 and gave them about 20 minutes, stirring them every 5 minutes or so. I took them out of the oven to allow them to cool. I chopped up some tart dried cherries and half a bar of Green and Black's 85% dark chocolate and mixed it all together. Salty, sweet, chocolaty- and healthy.

In the picture, there is also a pan of cooling walnuts I'd toasted a bit. I toast enough to get us through a couple weeks of snacks. They're so good all toasty, and Scott loves them on his cereal in the morning. I prefer them just as they are. Walnuts are incredible. I can be starving, but eat a few halves of walnuts and feel completely satisfied.

These unadulterated snacks might not be as fast as opening a 100 calorie pack of Oreos, but they're close, and what they will provide will leave you much more nourished than the Oreos ever could.